Crispy Gamer is adding a new original comic to our cadre of gaming funnies. Paul Southworth, who recently concluded his Ugly Hill comic and also has done some illustrating for Ding!, has created "You are Dead" for our readers. The comic will publish 3-4 times a month.

Southworth said he came came up with that title "because that always struck me as particularly direct way to say "Game Over," and I feel it's pretty illustrative of the tone of games today vs. 25 years ago." The comic will be in black and white, as he wants to experiment with grey tones and give the comic a newspaper-type feel. As one of the Crispy crew commented: "This could be a gaming version of The Far Side." 

Also, we are happy to announce that Scott Johnson's adventures of Vincent in "Experience Points" will be moving to three times a week starting next week.

More laughs for you from your buddies at Crispy. Enjoy!

You thought they would have learned from the uproar (albeit misplaced) with Mass Effect. But darn it if BioWare hasn't revisited the slippery slope.

For the uninitiated, Mass Effect contained a cutscene where Commander Shepard has an intimate liaison with a member of his party. The scene is tasteful, with only a split-second of anything remotely tawdry being shown. Add to the mix that this scene could be achieved only if certain choices were made at particular points in the game, meaning that many players would not see the scene if they made choices that could hamper the relationship. This did not stop numerous critics, almost all of whom never played the game or bothered to inform themselves about it, from bashing the game and BioWare for exposing players to sex in videogames and decrying the game as a sex simulator.

Fast forward to E3 2009 and the showing of Dragon Age Origins in a private screening room at the EA booth. The developers demoing the game showed off the trailer to build anticipation, then immediately jumped into a part of the game where the player is faced with a choice of advancing a relationship with one of two female characters. Once the female was chosen by the audience, the developers proceeded to make the appropriate choices (three in all) that ended with another sexual liaison between characters. Again, nothing was shown other than the characters in skimpy undergarments, but the images were there, lasting only a few seconds.

The question I'm left with is why would BioWare insist on showing THIS particular sequence, given the unwarranted shellacking it took before? If anything, you would think they would want to downplay it a bit, not titillate further. Dragon Age has plenty going for it without the first scene being shown to E3 viewers having sexual undertones. I sincerely hope the game isn't that shallow. I'm always impressed by BioWare games, but in this case, I am more than a little surprised at how they roleplayed this out.

This year has continued a disturbing trend of press conferences by the big 3 console publishers that are useless. With rare exception, these conferences follow the same formula. At least six of the following incidents will happen, and in some cases, all of them. These are not in an exact order, but most will occur, almost like clockwork.

• Someone will get on stage who looks, acts and talks like they are incredibly uncomfortable ... causing the audience to laugh nervously.
• There will be several attempts at lame humor, occasionally accompanied by an uncomfortable pause for applause that may or may not come.
• A celebrity of some stature will appear on stage, usually associated with a game the publisher is putting out. Said celebrity will act very wooden and talk about the game while knowing little about it other than the number of zeros on the royalty check.
• Numbers and more numbers showing why the publisher's console is number one, ignoring the fact that anything can be done with numbers if you try hard enough.
• A big game will be unveiled, usually accompanied by the big name developer behind it. Said developer will say little about the game except promise what he wants it to be.
• Promises, promises and more promises.
• The company rolls out a laundry list of all the things they are doing online to build community. A few of the revelations aren't even worth mentioning.
• This just in: Said company is doing all these things to appeal to the mainstream soccer moms and grandmothers. It will be the best ever.
• A huge lengthy cinematic trailer will be show on a big screen, eliciting ooo's and ah's from the audience, but nothing more will be said about the game ... and it won't be on the show floor. This leads to rampant analysis by the press, much of which will be wrong, because no one at the publisher will talk about the game.
• A teaser trailer will be shown about a new game in development, less than a minute long. Very little can be pulled from it other than it is a sequel to a popular game. The trailer ends with "Coming 2015."
• Some high ranking company executive will try to act cool on stage, perhaps with a celebrity or trying to play the company's new game. It ends badly, and becomes future fodder for bad E3 moments.
• The press conference ends with a big announcement. There is a 50-50 chance that this announcement will be a collective yawn from the audience.

There may be a few others, but these are the big ones. The advice here is: Watch the streaming video from your hotel room. Watch the trailer online. Read the press releases that come out during the press conference. The only thing you might miss will end up on YouTube as an incredibly funny moment from E3.

The sad part is that non-big 3 companies are having press confereneces that are just as bad. If I had to cast my vote for the winner of the best press conference each year, my vote would go to the people smart enough NOT to attend. 

I've seen lots of theater presentations at E3 through the years, large screens on the show floor, reverberating load music and flashy images. But there was something about the Square-Enix booth this year that had me mesmerized.

The screen at the booth in South Hall was very large and benches in front of the screen invited people to sit and take in the experience. Square-Enix has always had incredible art design and graphics for their games, but watching Final Fantasy XIII, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and their newest title, Nier, play out on the massive screen left me drifting by every so often just to watch them again and again. What made it even more comfortable was that the screen sat near the floor, making the viewing area at eye level. No craning of the neck needed. It also helped that Square had their booth fairly spread out. You could play games and watch the big screen without being elbow to elbow with others.

Overall, a pretty nice experience that ran counter to many past E3 booth encounters with the big publishers.

And as pleasing as it was to see the traditional Square-Enix style games on the big screen, it was more than a bit disconcerting to see some unconventional Square titles up there as well. The company is publishing RTS Supreme Commander 2 from Gas Powered Games, third-person shooter Front Mission Evolved from Double Helix and RTS Order of War from Wargaming.net. One developer joked that they had to make extra sure their trailers were pixel perfect to be shown on the same big screen with the Square titles. 

While E3 is all about the games, it's also about the people. Seen at the show outside the confines of their meeting rooms:

Caught up with Peter Molyneux at the Microsoft gathering last night at The Standard hotel. Maybe he was still recovering from the E3 MS presser earlier Monday, but he looked incredibly tired. The man is usually full of emotion and enthuiasm. We chatted for about 15 minutes and he caught me up one what he was up to, as well as his (off the record) plans. He was cordial as always, but a certain spark appeared to be missing. Here's hoping I just caught him at a bad time ...

Also at the evening MS event was the master of flash, Cliff Bleszinski. Cliffy has toned down quite a bit from his days as a flamboyant dresser, but he still sports a rather large diamond stud in his left ear. He was chatting with press and MS personnel alike, and if he turned just the right way, his earring caught enough Xbox 360 green glow to blind the unsuspecting ...

Passed BioWare's Greg Zeschuk earlier today as he was entertaining a film crew. His hair has gotten a bit longer and he looked a bit relaxed with his shirt untucked. Zeschuk is always friendly and quick with a firm handshake. I'll probably catch up with him later at the show ...

Got a brief glimpse of Gabe Newell of Valve as he was pushing a wheeled briefcase quickly toward his company's meeting room. I was only able to get off a quick "Hey Gabe" as he rushed off. He did respond with a hello, which quickly trailed off as he turned the corner ...

Found the other BioWare doc, Ray Muzyka, enjoying some anonymity of the South Hall show floor. He was wandering around looking at the different booths. We chatted for a few minutes and he indulged my curiosity about Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age Origins. "Our gameplay demos always look better than our trailers," he told me. He didn't need to tease me any further, as those were two games I already wanted to see. He also said they had a great demo already for Star Wars: The Old Republic. The man is a great saleman, but his team always delivers great products ...

Chris Taylor breezed by me on the way to demo Supreme Commander 2 at he Square-Enix booth. As tired as Molyneux looked, Taylor was just the opposite, full of his usual energy. He apologized for not having time to talk, saying he was late for the demo. He said he'd catch up with me later, which he usually does. I wonder if Taylor ever runs out of energy? ...

Conspicuously absent from this year's E3 is Warren Spector. He has been kept under tight wraps by Disney since they acquired his company a few years ago, and a Disney PR rep said it was the first E3 that Spector has missed since the show began. Disney is keeping incredibly tight-lipped about what Spector is working on, so here's hoping we see him next year and that he has a game to talk about.

Other E3 morsels:

While it is good to have E3 back in its familiar confines of the LA Convention Center, it is definitely smaller. In years past, South and West halls were wall-to-wall exhibits, and Concourse Hall had its share of displays. This year, part of South and West halls were blocked off and unused, while Concourse Hall is vacant. And Kentia Hall, everyone's favorite whipping boy as the place for small developers, foreign publishers and unusual peripherals, is no more. Not only is the hall not in use this year, the original hall is now a indoor parking garage. The new hall has been moved to a different location, but still downstairs and out of the way. We'll miss those great grilled cheese sandwiches ...

Booth babes are back in a very limited capacity. The Nyko girls were dressed in their usual bright red outfits and bright red wigs. LucasArts employed a stormtrooper to guard their meeting room. There were pirates wandering around touting Disney's new Pirates of the Caribbean game. There was also the usual assortment of girls in short shorts, high heels and school girl skirts, not to mention an array of well endowed men and women looking as if they stepped off the set for a new Conan movie. Definitely more subdued than E3s past, but enough for the gawkers with cameras to stay busy ...

One huge change in this year's E3: The decibel level is substantially lower. You can actually hear yourself talk and carry on a conversation. It's not a morgue by any stretch, but when you can hear your phone ring, it is definitely an improvement.

If you aren't a gamer and happen to stumble upon the LA Convention Center this week, you'd be assaulted by dozens of banners and posters for games that publishers want you to know about. Do the posters really say anything or give any information? We walked around the outside of the convention center and through the various hallways to see what games were given prominence:

Assassin's Creed 2: As mentioned in a previous blog post, Ubisoft's sequel takes the prize for largest banner. With outstreched arms and blades in each, the poster hangs ominously between South and West halls outside. No words, no description, but it looks nice and was granted its own zip code.

Darksiders: This game from THQ had two ads near the inside entrance to West Hall. One was lighted and small, while the other huge banner hung near the ceiling, about 10 yards away. "Hunted by Heaven, Hated by Hell, Driven by Vengeance" are the only words on the posters. Could be an interesting game about a fantasy divorce gone awry.

Red Faction Guerrilla: THQ's new shooter is scheduled for release tomorrow. In two posters cradling the escalators leading to the second floor of West Hall, the game is trumpted as AVAILABLE NOW on one banner. The other shows a guy with a hammer and shouts BREAK FREE. You'll need to play the game to find out who's oppressed.

WET and Rogue Warrior: Bethesda owns all the doors with square posters for each of its new games alternating on every entry and exits door at South and West halls. Neither says anything but the game title, with WET showing a sexy woman, gun in hand, looking to lure you to the best sex you've ever had or a violent death. Rogue Warrior has a rogue with a dagger. Hmmm, original.

Mafia II: Dwarfed by the Assassin's Creed 2 poster to it's right, this 2K game banner shows a guy in a suit, lying in a coffin. Again, no words. Maybe the guy was killed by Ubisoft's assassin.

Brutal Legend:  This EA huge banner hangs outside atop South Hall, with what looks like a digital Jack Black rocking out as if reliving his School of Rock role. Of course, Black is a musician, so it isn't far fetched, but again, no words other than a game title.

Crime Craft: The new MMO from Vogster is filled with blood a bullet holes. The only words tout Vogster's booth number. Will this be an offer you can't refuse?

Splinter Cell Conviction: This Ubisoft title gets the award for the most varied placements of the show. Banners of various sizes and shapes could be found inside near South Hall, near West Hall, and outside in lighted displays along the roadway. Different images adorn them, but no explanation. 

Tekken 6:  Namco-Bandai offered a couple interesting posters created to look like a fight card. Kazuya Mishima vs. Paul Phoenix. THIS IS YOUR FIGHT, the poster says, and its coming in Fall 2009. Start scanning Pay per View.

Need for Speed: Shift: This set of posters lining the windows of Concourse Hall definitely gets the award for the most involved. There are 20 posters in all, divided into sets of four. Each set asks a various question: What Driver Will You Be? Are You Feared? Are You Respected? Each poster in the set then attempts to answer the question with play styles: Shift Arenaline, Shift Intimidate, Shift Attack, Shift Control. And each poster shows race cars in various stages of conflict. Aside from the words sounding like hotkeys for a PC racing game, the campaign at least tries to say something, and once you come to the end of the posters, you find a kiosk showing off the game. A lot of build up, but in the end you get to see what its about.

Sony:  The company had a set of three posters with a tatooed arm holding a PS3 controller and a PSP. On the PSP was Sack Boy. LittleBigPlanet is coming to PSP. Subtle, but effective. But the biggest question? Who gets their arm tattoed with the PS3 control scheme of X, circle, square and diamond?

EA/BioWare: Both Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age Origins had posters outside South Hall. The Mass Effect 2 posters showed Commander Shepherd running with gun in hand. The Dragon Age posters were a bit more nebulous: A dragon, with a cowled woman inset in its wing. No words, just images.

Battlefield 1943: This EA game had several posters around oustide the convention center and inside. They bellowed that THE FIGHT FOR THE PACIFIC BEGINS THIS SUMMER. They teased you to a contest booth where you could sit down and play against member of the Battlefield 1943 dev team. If you beat them in an aerial dogfight, you are entered to win one of 100 copies of the game to be given out each hour, and possibly win an Xbox 360 console. Another good campaign that backs up what the game is about.

Modern Warfare 2:  This Activision game had three posters on display hanging from the ceiling as you walked down Concourse Hall. All showed men in military garb. The first poster had an M, the second a W and the third a 2. Hmmm, MW2, clever. The last poster had the numbers 11-10-9. A countdown? No, a release date, coming Nov. 10.

Free Realms: This Sony Online Entertainment game had a poster outside South Hall. A cartoony looking game, buit what catches the onlookers eye is the promise of a live concert by The Dares at the SOE booth tomorrow. Draw them in, then show the game. Good strategy.

Final Fantasy XIII: A huge indoor banner showing the now familiar FF characters poised for battle. Square-Enix says nothing otn the poster other than Coming 2010. For Final Fantasy fans, that may be enough.

There were a few non-game posters, some touting game publications, but perhaps the most interesting was a poster for 5-hour Energy Drink. It's hook? Game on, and on, and on, and on ...

In the end, if your know about these games, then the posters may interest you, but if you don't, in most cases, you are out of luck. Most of the banners and posters say nothing except to let you know the game will be at the show. But many aren't even enough to build interest, unless you were interested in the game to begin with. It's usually just an egregious assault on the senses with little information to impart. Kudos to those that tried to make them interesting. To the rest, try harder next year.

I arrived at E3 early this morning not sure what to expect with E3's flamboyant return to the LA Convention Center. Yes, it was here last year, but in a more subdued fashion. This year, before the show even begins, it appears the excess is back.

As I walked up to West Hall, I was greeted by game banners the size of city blocks obscuring the windows of the convention center. UbiSoft's <i>Assassin's Creed 2</i> was the biggest culprit, appearing large enough to engulf Rhode Island. (The photo above is actually cut off on the left side. The arms extend full width. Thanks, Flickr). Perhaps the biggest change is the show begins Tuesday and goes through Thursday. In the past, Monday and Tuesday were usually for pre-E3 press conferences. This year, Electronics Arts, Microsoft, Ubisoft and others have held them on Monday. I wandered around the convention center sneaking peeks inside the different halls before getting rushed off by overly attentive security. Apparently my press badge (sponsored this year by Atlus's <i>Trauma Team</i>) doesn't allow me to get too close until tomorrow.

Finally, I should have learned from previous years, but I commited the cardinal sin of being thirsty while at the show. The LA Convention Center continues to be home to the most overpriced mediocre food. This year? $3 for a bottle of vending machine soda. I understand why the ATM is only a few paces from the vending area.

More later.

In chatting with the developers for the Origins story, many of them acknowledged how lucky they were to be in the right place at the right time. I pushed it a bit further to see what advice they'd give to aspiring videogame developers.

Gabe Newell (Valve Software): The most important decision you will make is who your colleagues are. They more than anything else will determine how much success you have and how much you enjoy going to work each day.

Sid Meier (Firaxis Games): Get a good well-rounded education first, take advantage of internships, play lots of different video games and get together with other folks who want to make video games and make a prototype -- that's the best way to show your skill.

Ted Price (Insomniac Games): Look for a company you respect and try to get in however you can. Personally I think it's better to start in a lower position at a great company than to go for a senior position at one which you think isn't so great. And when I say "a company you respect" I'm talking about having respect for both their games and their culture. How do you find out about a company's culture? Read interviews and postmortems from their folks. Check out their website. Talk to your friends who are already in games -- chances are they know someone at your target company. There are also a lot of fantastic game-centric schools and curricula out there today. Graduating from one of the more respected schools can definitely make a difference in whether or not you get noticed. Graduating from any college is a plus.

Brian Reynolds (Big Huge Games): The way to get a job in the industry is to show companies you can directly and immediately start contributing to their current projects with a near-zero amount of training. There are several common ways to accomplish this:

• Be a completely bad-ass C++ programmer. Send executable samples of your own programming work, preferably as bad-ass as possible.
• Go to a well-known art school and study 3D animation. That's where we get most of our artists.
• Design some amazing levels/scenarios/mods for your favorite games, and use their inherent coolness to apply to those very companies.
• Apply to the QA / Playtest departments at local videogame companies and get your foot in the door. You'll learn a lot about the nitty gritty of how games are put together.

Lars Gustavsson (DICE): This totally depends on what discipline you are going after but education is never wrong. The first thing I look for when we hire people is cheer passion, then personality, experience and education, in that order. So get educated, start up your own project/portfolio to show that you can perform and keep going after jobs. Don't give up. I don't know how many people I know in the industry that are in here because they refused to give up.

Chris Taylor (Gas Powered Games): Take whatever skills you have, whether it is programming, art, design, and go deep with it. Find others to make games with, whether they are simple or complex, casual or hardcore. I discovered the Mac and the incredible suite of tools a few years ago, and have found them to be incredibly sophisticated. The great thing about the Mac is that it's the platform to develop for iPhone, which is rapidly becoming one of the key handheld platforms for gaming. There are huge opportunities here for people breaking into the business.

Randy Pitchford (Gearbox Software): Try hard and keep trying. Build a skill and do it great. Commit. Never give up. And, when you think you’ve learned some things and have something to offer, find a studio that can help you with the catch-22 problem of not being able to get a gig without experience and not being able to get experience without a gig. Gearbox Software, for example, occasionally runs programs to give three month contracts to up-and-coming talent to give them a chance to prove themselves. There are some awesome developers that came into the industry through Gearbox Software's program, so people hoping to join the industry should visit the gearboxsoftware.com website and look up the contacts page.

Greg Zeschuk (BioWare): In our 15 years of time in the game industry, we have never seen a period comparable to the current market where anyone can literally make a game, put it up on the iPhone App Store and simply see what happens. Getting into, and being successful in the industry requires passion, dedication and a love of the craft. It's also a good idea to get education or training in the field you want to work in (though it isn't absolutely required as there are plenty of successful self-trained people in the business). Learn how to make games, and then make something; that's the most sensible way into the business today.

Ken Levine (2K Boston, formerly Irrational Games): It's tougher to get in now, I think. Our industry is the only one where you can get an entry level job that exposes you to all aspects of the creation of our product: QA. But get a QA job onsite at a developer, where you are working moment to moment with game developers. You've got to absolutely love games. I know that goes without saying, but it still needs to be said. A huge turn-off for me in an interview is when I find a narrow field of interest. The more stuff you're passionate about, the better. I like omnivorous nerds.

It was supposed to be a fun get-together of eight players for a Demigod match. We were each going to write up 500 words on our experience and turn it into a nice multiplayer feature. What ensued was hilarity, calamity and frustration over the next hour and a half, and no game played.

Game Truster Tom Chick helped organize the match, pulling in myself, Bill Abner, Troy Goodfellow, Bruce Geryk, Jason McMaster, Kelly Wand and a friend of Tom's. We had spent the last couple days hashing this out, even checking connections early to make sure we could all connect. We had also set it up so each player would play a different demigod and each four-player team would chat via Skype to stay on top of strategies.

In the end, it was all for naught.

Chick set up a password protected lobby and we all started to meander in. All players were on Skype and we kept track of the connection progress of our teammates. When I reviewed Demigod, I played several multiplayer games with no issues. I stand by the review, but after last night, I understand all the frustrations players have pointed out in the Demigod forums. Chick must have reset the host game at least six times (once because he forgot to password protect it and several uninvited folks snuck in). Everyone was able to connect at one time or another, but we could never get everyone at once.

Finally, after we were about to give up after an hour of trying, Chick noticed that a patch had dropped sometime between when we started and were finishing. We speculated that that may have been the issue, with some people trying to connect incompatible versions of the game. We all added the patch (luckily it was a small one), and most of us were finally able to get into the lobby, except Goodfellow. Took him several tries, but finally, it looked like he made it in. We all clicked "ready," and Chick started the game ... and nothing happened. Chick later reported that, despite all of us appearing in the lobby, we weren't all "connected" as he got numerous host error messages in the lobby chat to that effect.

By that time, we were all slaphappy and we called it. We'll try again this weekend or next week and hopefully the issues will be resolved. What had started as a multiplayer get-together ended as a great Skype call. Too bad we could have played at the same time.

OK, I'll admit I'm a bit late to the party on this one, but I just saw this "accessory" for the Wii called the Riiflex. It gives new meaning to Wii Fit. The company that makes these is Power Play and they offer a 2-pound and 4-pound pair of dumbbells. The company is taking preorders for them and the weights should start shipping this summer.

There have been some pretty lame accessories out there from the Wii remote, but this actually seems fairly useful. Granted it's not going to buff you like Arnold, but it could tone the arms up a bit, especially if you tend to flail wildly as I do in some games. The only drawback I see is that I expect my right arm to get more of a workout than my left, since I don't use the nunchuck portion nearly as much as the remote itself. That would sure make for a lopsided look. Guess I will need to learn to do some Wii gaming left-handed.