Ironically I speak no Russian, so perhaps it is appropriate that I discuss this important topic - though those that have met me will tell you that I barely speak English.

Thinking about it all fills me with conflicting emotions - passion, reason and a sense of self loathing.. much like the characters in a Harlequin Presents romance novel. And oddly enough, the back cover of the novel, Harlequin Presents: By Royal Command, sums up my feelings on No Russian precisely:

Prince of Passion!

The only way Lauren can escape from the war-torn island of Sant'Rosa is to marry Guy, a sexy stranger in a fake ceremony.

But reunited with Guy under safe conditions, Lauren is overwhelmed by the mutual feelings of explosive desire!! And he has news for her: he's really a prince and Lauren is obligated to marry him again -- BY ROYAL COMMAND!

 

Oh no they didn't just describe the controversy of Modern Warfare 2!?! Yes they did.

Let others have their Madden, NBA or Bigs franchises. Tekken games are my sport.

Ever since Tekken 3 in college, I’ve spent hours in the various games’ Practice Modes, working out my own ways to link moves together. That hasn’t changed much over the years. It’s happened that Lei Wu-Long’s become my main guy. My Tiger Woods, my Michael Jordan, if you will.
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Fry It or no, I’m going to be playing Tekken 6.

I’ve played it since college and it’s too late to back out now. Elsewhere, I’ve compared fighting franchise loyalties to allegiance to a political party. Getting me on KOF or Street Fighter would be akin to asking a Republican congressman to sign off on health care reform. The last Tekken game would blurt out the phrase in this post’s title when the character select screen opened up and it’s always stuck with me. It’s always been a bit weird to have a super-friendly announcer welcome you to a brutal bare-knuckle fighting tournament, but that’s the least bizarre thing about Tekken. Anyhoo, I’m planning on using these “Welcome to the King of Iron Fist!” posts to be an informal journal of my progress in all things Tekken 6.

Tekken 6 Diary: 11-6-09, 1:15 am

Fight Record: 30-10 right now.
Rank: 1st kyu

Every first Friday of the month, John Teti hosts a stand-up comedy showcase called John Teti’s Nite of Laffs. Myself and several other Crispy folks were in attendance and much hilarity was on display. After that, Teti and I enjoyed some ramen at Menkui-Tei in NYC’s East Village, where he told me the correct way to say fried chicken in Japanese. John didn’t feel like drinking alone so I ordered a small bottle of sake. I pretty much drank the entire thing by myself and was well tipsy by the time I got home. Despite the fact that it was after midnight, I decided to fire up the PS3 for a few quick Tekken bouts. Right now, I’m choosing not to play with voice chat. I’m letting Lei Wu Long’s fists do all the talking. I probably would’ve slurred my words anyway. More...

I am a masochist; that is why I asked to review Risen, a game by Piranha Bytes - the company best known for creating the Gothic series of decidedly European role-playing games. Gothic is not known for being user friendly; the controls in that game series are antiquated, there’s no hand holding and the system is awesomely brutal and unforgiving to the player.

It's the video game equivalent of climbing Mount Everest; you may lose some toes getting there but at least you can say "hey a survived Mount-Freaking Everest."

Will I survive Risen? I'm halfway up the mountain at this point, and i'm going to finish this game if it kills me. And if you are wondering – Risen is what Gothic 3 should have been.

Games on the iPhone are a wonder to behold and sometimes, even a joy to play. The iPhone’s pretty much single-handedly resurrected mobile gaming into a category worth caring about and all of the major players in the industry recognize that. During their last product event, Apple specifically called out Sony’s PSP and Nintendo’s DS handhelds while touting the iPod Touch as a superior experience. Traditionally, Apple hasn’t made many waves in the gaming space. But, after engineering a sea change in handheld gaming with more than 20,000 games on the App Store, one might understand the reason for their gloating.

But it’s not all rainbows and unicorns in Apple-land.  I met with Apple representatives about a week ago as they showed the latest iteration of the iPod product line. After getting the lowdown about the shiny newness, I offered up two of my biggest gripes about games content on the App Store.

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When it released in the U.S. in 2005, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney became a hit on the Nintendo DS. The quirky characters and tense courtroom scenarios won over a good-sized chunk of people. Sue Hong wasn't one of those people, though. Though she owns a DS, Hong was too busy earning her keep as a lawyer after passing the New York and New Jersey bar exams in 2002.

She's not a criminal attorney like Phoenix Wright, but Hong does log a fair amount of time in the courtroom. I gave Hong a cart of the first Phoenix Wright game and, after she played it for about a week, asked her how it measured up to her own legal experiences.
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It is probably not a good thing when this is all that you see for an entire day on a brand new MMO.  Here's what the official web site says:

"A small issue with the patching servers needed our immediate attention. As a result, players can currently not patch the game. As we currently have no time estimate, we will keep you updated as this progresses. Thank you!"

Not the greatest answer. Let's see how long this lasts. 

Update: It came back up at 9 PM EST give or take a few minutes. I was greeted with this lovely scene:

I just finished "Another Marona" in Phantom Brave: We Meet Again, and I have to say that, despite being a little bit disjointed from the original story, I was pleasantly surprised out how interesting it was. I can't really talk about it in this space because i'm wrapping up a review for it, but it is pretty obvious that the story telling in Nippon Ichi's later games is darker. Not that the original game was all sunshine and roses - unlike the Disgaea series, Makai Kingdom or even the incredibly adult Soul Nomad, Phantom Brave toys with the ideas of acceptance, optimism and people's capacity to be cruel.

The light-hearted moments are a little lighter than I care for and - in one of the more serious moments in the new chapter "Another Marona" - there's some jaw dropping dialogue that just hits you right in the face. There's also not a lot of comedy in the game, save a moment or two; this is serious business. But to quote Ash, "Marona is Marona" and you get what you get. Because Phantom Brave is Phantom Brave; a chocolate covered lemon, no mattter what platform it's on. That's why the original was such a great game - it isn't Disgaea.

Folks seem to love Arkham Asylum. (I certainly did.) So there’s much Twitter-ing and discussion about the game. If you’ve roamed around the web, other people will direct you to read Grant Morrison’s classic graphic novel Batman: Arkham Asylum–A Serious House on Serious Earth. I say *pfah* to that.

There’s nothing wrong per se with Morrison’s super-deconstructed Jungian take on Batman and his rogues. With Dave McKean’s art driving the storytelling, it certainly delivers a sense of the sort of madness Batman must grapple with to emerge victorious. But the game it shares a name with doesn’t draw much from that vibe, with the notable exception of the Arkham lineage itself being cursed.

For my money, there are other comics that the game owes a greater debt to in terms of its sensibilities. [Editor's note: Spoilers ahead!]

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