Post-TGS 2009: How to Be an UFO-Catcher Master

by John Teti | 30. September 2009 11:05 | permalink
Rirakkuma and Super Famicom UFO Catchers

Next to video games, the most floor space in Japanese arcades is dedicated to "UFO Catchers." Callously referred to as "crane games" in the United States, these machines beguile you with fabulous prizes—or sometimes less-than-fabulous prizes—that look terribly easy to snatch up in the catchers' big metal claws.

Of course, you should not be fooled. Japanese UFO Catchers are almost never won by grasping something and dragging it over to the prize chute. Fifteen-year-old Catholic school boys have better pickup moves than the claws inside an UFO Catcher. If your strategy is to make a desperate grab, you might as well flush your 100 yen coins down the toilet. Although that seems pretty wasteful, too. And it could damage the plumbing. OK, that was just a bad idea.

Anyway, if you want to hit paydirt with the UFO Catchers, you have to head in with a plan. Preferably this one.

1. Evaluate the prizes. A good-sized arcade will usually have at least a couple dozen UFO Catchers. Take some time to survey the landscape before you jump in. You should be looking for not only what prizes but how difficult they seem to be. Heavy things in boxes are tough. Stuffed animals and plastic toys stacked on top of each other in a mishmash are easy.

You can get of how desirable different prizes are by observing the setups. If a prize is in demand, the operators will raise a little wall around the prize chute to make it harder for you to get one. They know you really want those little brown "Relax Bears," so you'll fight for them despite the obstacles.

Rirakkuma UFO Catcher

Conversely, the less coveted prizes have no retaining wall, indicating that the arcade doesn't care whether you win one or not. They're probably happy that you're taking this unwalled junk off their hands.

DNA Thing UFO Catcher

You'll find the same stock over and over in various arcades' UFO catchers, but be persistent and you will find some oddities. Here's a machine I found in Nagoya that was stocked with vintage Super Famicom (i.e., Japanese Super NES) games, right next to a machine full of cheap Super Famicom emulator knockoffs. Nice synergy.

Super Famicom UFO Catcher

Here's an UFO Catcher full of joke toilet paper featuring some of Japanese TV's most delightful comedy duos.

Toilet Paper UFO Catcher

I won a couple rolls of this stuff to give away in Crispy caption contests. I know, you can't wait, right?

2. The grabber is a useful tool, just not for grabbing. Observe the way your machine's claw goes through its motions and figure out how you can use the thing to your advantage. Typically, the two arms spread out, the mechanism descends until it encounters resistance, the arms make a feeble attempt to close, and the mechanism returns to its "home base" to release the goodie that it has, in theory, picked up.

Like I said, this thing's not going to do any heavy lifting, but there are other ways to get the job done. One strategy you should always consider is to position the claw off-center over the item you want so that only one arm gets underneath it when it descends. I call this the "sidearm" technique because I like naming things. When the claw comes back up, it will throw your precious plastic frog (or whatever) tumbling off balance, and tumbling often means an instant win. Chaos is always good in the land of the UFO Catcher.

True masters of UFO-fu will position the claw so that one of its arms—preferably the one farthest from the prize chute, just barely catches the edge of whatever you're trying to grab. If the claw comes down on the corner of a box, or on the cheek of a stuffed animal, it will tilt the item up, allowing the other arm to get underneath, thus creating creating more CHAOS. This can send the prize sliding into the chute or perhaps even land it on the claw's, in which case you've backed your way into an honest-to-goodness pickup.

Baby UFO Catchers

3. Strategize for the long term, not on a coin-by-coin basis. Not every prize can be won in a single go. If you try to get something in one shot, you'll usually accomplish nothing. Instead, maybe you need to pinpoint a few sidearms in a row in order to nudge your prize toward the hole. Work out a strategy, plop in a 500-yen coin (which usually gives you a bonus play), and pursue your holy grail over a few attempts.

And remember that you're not alone. One lesser-known fact about the UFO Catchers is that arcade staff members sometimes help you win. If you look desperate enough, or if you ask for help by pointing out the prize you want, they will often open up the machine and rearrange it so your desired item is on the brink of the prize chute.

You can't simply walk in and ask to have the machines rearranged according to your whim, though. They'll only help you out if you've been throwing some yen into the machines for a little while. So when you first arrive, put some 500-yen coins in a machine that's close to an attendant. It will pay off later in the evening because they'll know you're a high roller, so they'll be happy to help you out. (This works better if business is slow. At 7 p.m. Saturday in Akihabara, the staff isn't going to lift a finger to help your sorry UFO-Catching ass. But on a weekday afternoon in a area with less foot traffic, they'll usually lend you a hand. Unless they're jerks. Which some of them are.)

With these tips, you can know approach UFO Catchers with confidence, and with a little luck, you'll only end up paying four or five times what your crappy little prizes are actually worth! Gambatte!

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TGS 2009

Post-TGS 2009: Yes We Can Make You Uncomfortable About Race!

by John Teti | 30. September 2009 11:03 | permalink

Jones' post about the "Mr. James" character at McDonald's touched on weird racial stuff, but Mr. James is a white dude (an incredibly white dude). What about black people? Like, say, the first African-American president of the United States?

Obama Gacha Gacha

He's a cute little vending-machine character! The letters going down the middle of his suit say "CHANGE." OK, pretty harmless, even fun, right? Next Obama thing I saw was on the subway:

Obama Blackface Ad Japanese Subway

The picture's a little blurry, so to clarify, yes, that's a Japanese Obama impersonator in blackface on the left. (I don't know who the other blackface guy is supposed to be.) This made me kinda uncomfortable. And then there was this at a branch of the famous Mandarake anime/collectibles store:

Mandarake Mascots

Yeesh. I realize that it's a vintage item and so on, but really, right outside the front door? At one of the country's most famous collectibles stores?

So in terms of race portrayals that just might raise some eyebrows stateside, "Mr. James" is the tip of Japan's iceberg.

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TGS 2009

Post-TGS 2009: No Photo!!!

by John Teti | 29. September 2009 07:03 | permalink
Teti Jones Hooray

The exhibitors at TGS 2009 spend many thousands of dollars constructing lavish high-wattage booths with enormous TV screens in a gigantic effort to dazzle the eye. Then they hire armies of people to yell at you if you try to take a picture. "NO PHOTO!" they say with their arms/fingers crossed in a big "X."

Photo Batsu

Jones and I found this baffling, and after I got frantically shooed away from a few booths for my snapshot-snapping ways, we decided to get some footage of me getting yelled at for trying to take pictures. The idea was that I would provoke a bunch of the no-photo people to come out to yell at me, and we'd stitch together a montage of me getting in trouble, maybe set it to some krazy chiptunes. In other words, we would be jerks on tape. I used to do this for a living.

No Photos

Of course, right after we got this idea, it became impossible for me to be scolded, even at the same booths that had shooed me off earlier that day. Once the cameras started rolling, I only got "yelled at" once, by a guy at the Square Enix booth. And he could not have been nicer about it, which made me feel like crap. I wanted to give him a big hug.


Everybody else just looked at me funny without taking action. Jones' solution every goddamn time, as you hear in this clip, was to urge me to "get closer."


I took Jones' advice to the logical extreme at the Xbox booth, mere inches away from a display festooned with "NO PHOTO!" stickers. No dice. The gestapo atmosphere of the morning had given way to a weary minimum-security vibe by the afternoon.


So they killed me with kindness. I went all the way to TGS and all I got was these lousy outtakes. Tokyo Game Show "No Photo" Guys 1, Teti 0.

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TGS 2009

Post-TGS 2009: What's in a Name? (Not Much)

by John Teti | 29. September 2009 05:46 | permalink
Teti Jones Hooray

I have to assume that these games spotted on the TGS show floor sound super-exciting in the original Japanese.

Last Ranker

Yikes, really tempting the Metacritic fates here.

Last Ranker

Multi Raid Special

Wait a minute … Generic Japanese Video Game Title Generator Bot 1.0, is this your handiwork? I thought you were retired! You old dog.

Multi Raid Special

Last Escort

Just to make sure, there's no way this game isn't about male whores, right? OK, whew. I thought it was just me.

Last Escort

Nier Gestalt

Finally, an RPG that appeals to German psychological theorists.

Nier Gestalt

Archaic Dragoon

"Hey, do you want to play this new dragoon game I got?"

"Nah."

"Did I mention the dragoons are archaic?"

"I must play that game immediately."

Archaic Dragoon

Bounty Hounds Online

I don't think the cutesy colorful game on the screen below the banner is Bounty Hounds Online, but then again, I really hope it is.

Bounty Hounds Online

Cruz Del Sur

There are already complaints online about the wildly varying difficulty in this game. The shuffleboard quest was a piece of cake but damn if people aren't spending hours trying to conquer the buffet line.

Cruz Del Sur

Unidentified Mysterious Animal

Figured I'd wrap things up with one good name. I'm genuinely looking forward to UMA.

UMA

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TGS 2009

TGS 2009: Presenting The First Annual Crispy Gamer Miso Ramen Awards

by John Teti | 27. September 2009 19:45 | permalink
Teti Jones Hooray

Almost every day last week began the same way. Jones and I would roll out of bed in our respective hotel rooms, hung over from the night before, and we would have a debate on AIM about where we should eat. The discussion was always brief, and it always ended at the same place: the cheap ramen shop across the street from the Shinjuku Prince Hotel. (Motto: "Guests who stay at the Shinjuku Prince are truly the princes of Shinjuku.") Then we would eat miso ramen.

Thus it is in honor of the Shinjuku Prince Hotel's local ramen place (motto: "Where the princes of Shinjuku come to eat an affordable bowl of top-notch ramen") that Jones and I christen the First Annual Crispy Gamer Miso Ramen Awards, to recognize achievements at Tokyo Game Show in many important categories.


The Ryan Kuo Award for the game that Crispy copy editor Ryan Kuo is most likely to declare the greatest game ever and then tire of after five minutes:

Junk City

Junk City

The Dead Space Award for the most depressing part of the show floor:

The big empty hole where Nintendo's booth was supposed to be

Empty Space

The Virtual Boy Award for best innovation:

The Techno-log

Junk City

The Canada Award for most Canadian booth:

Canada

Canada

The Mario and Luigi Award for biggest disparity of coolness in a three-foot radius:

Dylan Cuthbert and some curly-haired guy with a lady camera who wouldn't wrap it up already so I could talk to Dylan Cuthbert

Dylan Cuthbert and some guy

The Vtrgpwhfr Award for least legible game name:

Zfoən9

Zfoona

The What Are We Going to Do With All of These Broken Xbox 360s? Award for the most pointless booth:

The "Museum of Game Science" booth

Quote-Unquote Museum

Best Peripheral:

Game Chair

Game Chair
Game Chair

The Home Depot Fern Section Award for most immersive experience:

The Lost Planet 2 jungle thing

Lost Planet 2 jungle

The Hideo Kojima Screenplay Award for longest line:

The line to not play the Heavy Rain demo

Heavy Rain non-line

Congratulations to our winners!

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TGS 2009

TGS 2009: There Was Also an Enormous Slime

by John Teti | 27. September 2009 18:04 | permalink
Teti Jones Hooray

Kyle Orland asked me if there were any other giant inflatable creatures at the Tokyo Game Show besides the giant chocobo I mentioned earlier. Yes, in fact, there was a giant Slime. He hovered over the Dragon Quest VI booth, smiling down on us with his trademark brand of low-I.Q. contentedness.

Big Slime

I wondered why there was such excitement over Dragon Quest VI, but once I walked over to the Slime's domain, I learned that Square Enix is remaking the 1995 game for the DS, much as they did with DQ4 and DQ5. (Dragon Quest III will soon see yet another re-release, as well, on Japanese mobile phones.) This was one of the longest lines on the show floor during the industry/media days, probably because it was one of the few snippets of "new" work on display. That made me sad because the Dragon Quest games are great, but damn if Japanese developers aren't, as Jones pointed out, putting a lot of resources into making the same game over and over again.

But back to the Slime. I like the Slime a lot. It's a classic character design, cute without pouring it on too thick. I have a pretty big collection of Slime stuff, and it keeps growing because Square Enix keeps pumping it out. The simple shape lends itself to merchandising, and I am a sucker for it. If Square Enix is leaning too hard on its aging series, I have to admit I'm part of the problem.

At Makuhari, I got a vinyl Slime tower for display on my desk, a Metal Slime paperweight, and a Slime business-card holder, the last of which I displayed proudly to all colleagues. Jones took this picture of me at the Square Enix swag kiosk and kept showing it to me throughout the week: "Look how happy you are there!"

Square Enix Shop

I guess I am pretty happy. Hey, even self-respecting game critics get to enjoy a little shopping spree now and then.

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TGS 2009

TGS 2009: The Booth Babe Gallery!

by John Teti | 25. September 2009 03:37 | permalink
Teti Jones Hooray

 

Surely all of you are familiar with the phenomenon of booth babes, those pamphlet-toting pixies that companies hire by the handful to give their trade-show booths some straightforward sex appeal. They have become staples of the game convention experience, and Tokyo Game Show has the highest booth babe per capita of any industry event. It's an impressive show of babe force, clearly designed to accommodate the aggressive enthusiasts who teem around them with telephoto lenses. (And this is during the press and industry portion of the show—I won't be sticking around to see what happens to the hapless babes when 100,000-plus nerds arrive for the public portion of the show, but I think we can all imagine.)

 

The gallery below is a tribute not so much to the babes, but to the type of skeevy dude who thinks nothing of asking a stranger if he can photograph her boobs, enacting his own little Maxim shoot right there on the show floor. I realize that's what the booth babes are there for, but damn. Lecherous photogs, Crispy Gamer salutes you!

Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes

This guy in the white Mercedes-Benz jacket was like a machine. I think his bag is full of spare cameras because he tends to wear them down from furious overuse.

Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes

Here's a twofer:

Booth Babe Dudes

And another!

Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes
Booth Babe Dudes

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TGS 2009

TGS 2009: Did We Travel Thousands of Miles Just to See a Giant Chocobo?

by John Teti | 25. September 2009 02:44 | permalink
Teti Jones Hooray

Writers have a built-in bias when we go to events like the Tokyo Game Show: We want them to matter. I flew halfway around the world and upended my life for two weeks so that I could attend this show. When Jones and I walked into the Makuhari Messe convention center yesterday for the first day of TGS, you better believe we wanted to be wowed. We even made the header picture up top in the expectation that we'd need to show everyone how blown away we were by the super-amazing festivities!

The reality was more like this:

Sleep

Though it's painful to admit given the trouble it takes us get here, TGS 2009 doesn't matter. This show feels hollow. Makuhari Messe is like a giant hangar, half full, and even among the sparse offerings, there is plenty of overlap. The Microsoft, Sony, and third-party publisher booths feature many of the same games, so it seems like there's another Lost Planet 2 display around every corner. Same for Modern Warfare 2, Final Fantasy XIII, Tekken 6, and a bunch of others. If your game isn't featured in at least 70 booths at TGS, you're nobody!

Yes, there's not much news left in 2009 for companies to announce here. I won't pretend that's such a huge disaster. It's not like anything meaningful usually takes place at trade shows—most of the usual "news" consists of corporations announcing things they will probably make in the next year or so. Not exactly Woodward and Bernstein stuff, but we post it as ZOMG BREAKING MUST-READ!!!, and you wait months for anything to actually happen, and then when it does finally happen, you realize you have spent months in rabid anticipation for a new Zelda game that's pretty much the same as the old Zelda games, and perhaps you cry a little. And then the cycle begins again. Hey, it's a sickness we all share.

But while their ability to generate news may be overrated, the good trade shows usually have a spirit of community and celebration. TGS has a little of the former—we've had some fun nights out with developers, fellow journalists, and other how-do-you-dos—but the show is no party. It feels like the video game industry is going through the motions because they scheduled TGS 2009 a long time ago, and it was too late to bag the whole thing. Meanwhile, everybody's looking at their watch and saying, "Is it 2010 yet?" (Or perhaps more accurately, "Is this recession over yet?")

There is a huge chocobo here, though. Wow!

Chocobo!

That expression of delight is pretty genuine.

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TGS 2009

TGS 2009: Take Me Out to the Ball Game so I Can Completely Ignore It

by John Teti | 23. September 2009 16:57 | permalink

Can you spot the gamer in this picture, taken at yesterday's thrilling Yomiuri Giants baseball game?

Giants Game Crowd

No? Here's a closer shot.

Kid playing DS

There he is! Nothing like some quality time with the DS when your family has shelled out for a bunch of seats at the Tokyo Dome. I love you, Mom and Dad! Just not as much as Professor Layton! By the way, the Giants were playing to clinch the pennant in this game, so it ought to have been pretty exciting (and it was—the Giants won).

I remember when my dad took me to my first Red Sox game and I finally got to World 8-1 in Super Mario Land.

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TGS 2009

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