Why Game Critics Suck: Boats

by David Thomas | 20. August 2009 07:20 | permalink

I’ve played a lot of games, and by a lot, I mean A LOT. It’s one of the perqs of the job—you get to see and try out a lot games. So, on the rare occasion that I  haven’t had a chance to play some big game, at least Ihave heard of it.

Then today, I get this in my inbox:

"On the heels of last week's unveiling of Ship Simulator Extremes, Paradox Interactive and VSTEP released a brand new trailer for the recently-announced title at Gamescom today. With over 450,000 copies sold of the original title, the series returns to take you deep into the heart of themost extreme conditions on Earth."

In case you don’t like reading, let me highlight the two relevant parts:

"On the heels of last week's unveiling of Ship Simulator Extremes, Paradox Interactive and VSTEP released a brand new trailer for the recently-announced title at Gamescom today. With over 450,000 copies sold of the original title, the series returns to take you deep into the heart of the most extreme conditions on Earth."

So, to put this in perspective, that’s about a half million copies sold of a game that let’s you simulate driving boats around.

This tells me several things.

1. I had no idea that so many people were interested in boat simulations.

2. I had no idea there was such as a thing as a boat simulator.

3. Therefore, I suck

But there is hope. With the new game launching early in 2010, you can bet this one is on my radar and I won’t miss playing it this time. I mean, if you are really honest with yourself, getting to play Capt. Stubing and driving the Love Boat around has to be one of those secret fantasies you have always harbored. Right?

Currently rated 2.7 by 35 people

  • Currently 2.714286/5 Stars.
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Comments

  • CG-Prophet

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    CG-Prophet

    8/21/2009 12:00:00 PM

    @JoshMoore:

    It is very a "niche thing" just like hex-based war games and fantasy football management games. I'm glad to see a developer making a product that 400,000 people want to play.


    Shrapnel Games would love the next niche War game it publishes to have such numbers.

    Reply »
  • JoshMoore
    JoshMoore

    8/21/2009 9:58:49 AM

    I'd agree. I think it's unfair to call Ship Simulator the lowest common denominator, as I would assume that most of us have not played it.

    Like Ryan said, it could just be a niche thing anyways.

    As someone who doesn't boat, or particularily like being in a boat, I don't think I'd even really know how to judge this game.

    I like paddle boats. They should make a simulator for that.

    Reply »
  • RyanKuo

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    RyanKuo

    8/21/2009 9:35:47 AM

    @KyleOrland:

    I basically agree, but I'd still want to actually try a few of these games before dismissing them as not "interesting and good." From a critical standpoint, we can still learn from them.

    I think there's something inherently interesting about self-contained subgenres that cater to a very specific crowd and have no need/desire to market themselves to a broader audience. The whole idea of simulating a certain real-world activity. What is considered to be "real" in these games? In what ways do these games satisfy/not satisfy the player? Sounds kinda like the Madden issue too.

    Reply »
  • DavidThomas

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    DavidThomas

    8/21/2009 12:38:50 AM

    @GusMastrapa:

    You know Gus, I really don't know if you are kidding or not. I kind of hope that you are. But I also kinda hope that you aren't.

    Reply »
  • GusMastrapa
    GusMastrapa

    8/20/2009 8:48:42 PM

    The original Ship Simulator sold so well because Roche bundled it with certain types of blood pressure medications.

    Reply »
  • KyleOrland

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    KyleOrland

    8/20/2009 8:00:40 PM

    @DavidThomas:

    True there's no reason to assume that the world is as insular as what the critics/gaming community likes. Jsut the opposite, in fact. But there's no reason to pay attention to some lowest common denominator cash-in just because it's popular, either.

    I know the Dear Hunter games sold roughly one hojillion copies, but I have absolutely no desire to play what I'm reliably told is a mediocre-to-awful shooting series. I might be interested in the consumer/cultural effects that lead it to be such a phenomenon, but not really i nthe games themselves as a critic, per se.

    This might be the most conceited-sounding thing I've ever said in my life, but the job of a critic is to be critical -- to differentiate what is new and interesting and good from what is simply popular. This doesn't mean dismissing something _because_ it's popular, but nor should it means chasing trends indiscriminately to look for "the next big thing."

    So I get what you're saying about the big sales being surprising and putting the game on your radar for that reason. Just don't let the 450,000 people who bought it fool you into assuming that it's some grass roots hit that's more authentic and real than us ivory tower critics can possibly understand.

    Reply »
  • DavidThomas

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    DavidThomas

    8/20/2009 6:05:21 PM

    @KyleOrland:

    You're calling Christian Guitar players a an oddball subculture?


    OK. But don't blame me when some nice young man with a short haircut and a melodious and uplifting voice stops by your house to argue the point.

    By the way, I suck for a number of reasons. But in this case, I think this was a bit of an eye-opener about how easy it is as a critic to assume that the rest of the world thinks Shadow Complex is the greatest thing in the world. Most "gamers" never got through their GTV IV disc and think that Fallout is something that scientists study. The mainstream is bigger than us game writer folk.

    But thanks for thinking I don't suck. That does cheer me up:)

    Reply »
  • KyleOrland

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    KyleOrland

    8/20/2009 5:58:48 PM

    "But with 450,000 units sold, that's waaaaay more than some oddball subculture."

    ChristianGuitar.org gets 450,000 visitors a month: http://forums.digitalpoint.com/showthread.php?t=179976

    I rest my case.

    Reply »
  • KyleOrland

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    KyleOrland

    8/20/2009 5:53:31 PM

    You're saying that because you didn't know about a semi-popular niche title with limited interest or growth potential outside of a limited but enthusiastic target audience of boating fans, that you suck?

    Please.

    The fact that you're curious enough to even look into this title means you definitely do not suck.

    Give yourself a break.

    Reply »
  • DavidThomas

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    DavidThomas

    8/20/2009 5:14:38 PM

    @CG-Gabe:

    If you could drive a whale in the game, that would be incredible. Wait a minute, do I smell a new game genre? The WhaleSim? Oh wait, that was Ecco the Dolphin.

    Reply »
  • CG-Gabe

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    CG-Gabe

    8/20/2009 4:50:36 PM

    That trailer is incredible. They had me at "majestic whale".

    Reply »
  • JoshMoore
    JoshMoore

    8/20/2009 3:27:29 PM

    How funny is that trailer?

    I like how they make you think that maybe you can crash your motorized boat into a ship.

    We'll all just have to find out!

    Reply »
  • DavidThomas

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    DavidThomas

    8/20/2009 3:01:38 PM

    I guess I accept that there are random genres that just slip under the radar. But with 450,000 units sold, that's waaaaay more than some oddball subculture. It makes me feel like the mainstream is much less like me that I realize.

    Anyway, I think Troy's one line review:

    "It's even less fun than it sounds"

    Makes me want to play it even more.

    And can I keep my ring if I promise to okay the new game next year?

    Reply »
  • CG-Prophet

    Bawk!
    Bawk!

    CG-Prophet

    8/20/2009 2:37:34 PM


    There are so many simulation games out there that people don't know about so don't feel bad. If anything it proves that you can make money off a genre not being exploited by big publishers anymore.


    Oh and even I knew about this game, David. Turn in your secret decoder ring.

    Reply »
  • TroyGoodfellow
    TroyGoodfellow

    8/20/2009 2:19:15 PM

    I actually reviewed Ship Simulator last year. It's even less fun than it sounds, but I'm sure there is an audience for it just like there is for Microsoft's civilian flight sim. If you like the idea of moving from harbor to harbor and docking, then this is the game for you.

    Reply »

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